Needy©

I hate to be needing

needing things that I don’t receive

begging to fulfill my emptiness you once put me in

a place of yours filled with such hostility

I sometimes question why I gave you

that much of an ability

to control me,

in a sense that wasn’t mentally freeing

I was drowning,

but you didn’t care

until I put your feelings above mine

your narcissistic energy was beyond me.


I’m tired of waiting around

worrying about your next moves

whether me going far in life

will allow you to smear me on the news

and claiming that was blood

gives you a right to feel entitled to anything I gained or earned

because your narcissistic mindset is only concerned

about the things that are worth awards


my could’ve, would’ve, and should’ve mindset

should be long gone—thought the question still roam

could begging be sufficient to gain the closure I need?

Would playing the same game –

give me that sabotager energy yet only in shame?

Could I leave you in the past

and move on with only you to blame?

Would accepting the pain help me close you off?


I hate to be needing

especially needing things, I probably won’t ever receive

and assuming things could have gotten easier

or the pain would’ve become number,

I assumed the idea of being hurt would’ve been long gone.

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Syd Leilani © 2020